I am a firm beleiver that social constructs determine the path that most take, based on their gender identity, and their experiences. While women are making strides, the fact of the matter is, there are less women in science and engineering degrees, women make less money compared to men, women are viewed as sluts if they enjoy sex (even if that sex is enjoyed in a monogamous relationship). Women and men play different rolls in society.
While many women do 'overcome' all the pink frilly clothes they wore in childhood to become strong female figures, and there are many women that have broken through the glass ceiling, it stands as truth that we women still have a long way to go. Women of color and women who are in the LGBT community, sadly have even further to go. And for some reason, we are a rather mean gender. I personally will admit in my formative years, I identified more with men for the simple fact that I hated the drama associated with other girls my age. I had my girlfriends, many of whom I am still friends with today, but they were few. And when I ventured outside that circle of trust, I was bullied and ridiculed. I will also admit, that I bullied someone, to try and fit in. This act is burned in my memory, and to this day I am sorry for that act. I felt horrible the moment the words escaped my mouth. It was not worth my attempt to fit in with those girls. Why is it we would rather make fun or and judge each other than stand together as a unit?
Many sad things come of this. Working women judge the women who make the choice to stay home with her children or tend to their house. Housewives and mothers judge women who cannot or do not have the means to be with their children or make their house spic and span. Models, or women that dress like them, are judged by the women who wear jeans and tees because they are too worried about their appearance and being feminine, and trying to fit into social norms.The jeans/tee girls are judge for not dressing appropriate or not being professional. Heavy women are judged by those that exercise as being lazy or over eating. The women that exercise are being judged by the less fit for always looking good, or accused of starving themselves to look good. Etc, etc. Why must we judge? What is the big idea with being an advocate for each other?
Then there are men. Men are as important to women and feminism as us women are. Because we need them as allies! We need men that respect women to speak up. So maybe one of us will not be gang raped by a group of predatory men. Maybe one of us will not have to quit our job because our boss has no self control (take into account the woman who LOST a law suit for being fired because she was too hot http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3586861/). In some ways, feminism is just as much about men as it is women. Because, no one should be judged for who they are.
Men can be advocates. Maybe one of us will be encouraged to go into a profession typically dominated by men because of a few good mentors (Thank you Dr. B, other Dr. B, Dr. J, and the other male role models at the UB Geology department!). Maybe one of us will be promoted because of the guidance of one man (and, yes, maybe the guidance of a woman) in her office. Maybe one girl will be confident in high school because someone stuck up for her when being bullied.
Men, we need you! To teach the next generation of men, to tell us it's ok to be leaders instead of the dreaded 'bossy' word, to show us respect, to treat us as equal, to show others it's ok to be the subordinate of a woman in power, to speak up when a group of predators target a woman.... To stand beside us. Because in the end, this whole thing is about all of us - men, women, gay, straight, black, white, and everything around and in between, all of us having respect for one another and seeing each other as equals.
So, I choose to cook. My husband doesn't. We may have accepted gender rolls. Or maybe, instead, one of us found a talent. One of us found a passion, in food. One of us just likes to eat it, lol! And that is ok. It wasn't the pink frilly skirt or Rainbow Bright jumper I used to wear that made me like to cook. In fact, it wasn't until I moved away from home and found myself missing the food I couldn't find during my brief stint in Florida, that I finally found a passion in cooking. It wasn't something I was born hard wired for. It wasn't something my mom expected of me. It was something I chose to do, as much as I chose to become a geologist. As much as one woman may choose to stay home with her kids instead of work. As much as one woman may work three jobs to make her family comfortable instead of struggling. As much as one man may feel more herself identifying as a woman.
I do not pretend that I know the struggles of all women. Yet, I do know that I will make a pledge to try to understand, and support any woman or man I encounter. And, if you are promoting acceptance and goodwill, I will be your ally.
So, I will use my food for feminism. Because we all have a right to choose who we want to be. THAT is what feminism is all about.
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